Today's post will be 90% HowTo guides. The remaining 10% will be fillers.
HowTo beatbox:
1.go to www.humanbeatbox.com
2.click on learn.
3.learn.
I can't describe how often these simple and easy steps are ignored and instead people keep asking me to teach them. I won't.
HowTo scare Alicia:
This HowTo guide has been deleted due to the fact that this list is almost neverending.
HowTo work up library fines of $7.05:
1.Borrow about 4 books.
2.Return them all late.
3.Wait.
4.After about 1-2 months you should have a fine of about $7.00
HowTo O2Jam since the server is down:
1.Go google O2Mania.
2.Download O2Mania.
3.Refer here for a guide on how to use O2Mania.
4.It helps to memorize the hotkeys.
HowTo drink Coke(the stupid and hard way):
1.Shake well.
2.You will need 2 people for the next step.
3.As one of you opens the cap, the other will quickly fit a balloon over the opening.
4.Let the whole bottle drain into the balloon, turning the bottle over if necessary.
5.Drink from the balloon
6.I told you this was the hard and stupid way.
HowTo Rant:
1.Get a topic.
2.Randomly think of stuff related to the topic.
3.Link it up
4.Rant.
HowTo Rap:
1.I dunno this one.
2.In case you haven't noticed, I can't rap.
3.Try asking Samuel Low.
4.But he isn't that good either.
5.Why not try google?
6.Google "How to rap"
7.Let me know if you find this post while googling.
HowTo piss people off:
1.You don't really need a guide for this do you?
2.I really hope you don't
3.If you need help with pissing people off I'm sure Bolun is more than willing to help.
4.Come on...
5.You don't need a guide for this...
HowTo make useless HowTo guides:
1.Refer to above.
HowTo laugh:
1.Go to youtube.
2.Search for "Sunrise Sunset razor ramon"
3.Before you go, let me tell you....
4.It's a song.....about..
5.A certain organ.
That's all. I'm suddenly very thirsty so I'm gonna go down a whole jug of water..
Monday, April 28, 2008
Saturday, April 26, 2008
Stealth and Fun.
I realized that people have completely neglected development of the ability to move silently. And have shown complete disregard to the ability. So here's a guide for those of you interested. Note that I know some of you don't care anyway. Ah well. This is a guide blog now.
How to move quietly:
1. Wear socks. I figured this out one morning when i went to get something from my room before leaving for school. I found out that feet produce a lot more friction with surfaces than socks, though some people might choose to believe otherwise. Anyway, more friction means your feet will stick slightly, and when you lift your feet, they will make a sound like someone licking his lips. In a place where it is completely silent, its VERY loud. So wear socks.
2. Whenever possible, move on polished surfaces. Wood is definitely more preferred than tiles. Sure some tiles are polished too, but wood just feels smoother for some reason. If you really have no choice, you can wet your feet or wet the floor. Soap works good for this, but water is a better choice if balance is priority.
3. Walk. Its surprising that some people don't realize running makes a lot more sound than walking. Tiptoe if you have to. Especially in forested areas. Tiptoeing allows you to step between leaves. Dead leaves are painfully loud.
4. When you're not tiptoeing, walk by putting your feet down slowly, heel first, then slowly arching your foot down to make full contact with the ground. Lift your feet clear off the ground when walking. Also, when you put your foot down, don't drag your heel along as you put it down. The moment your heel touches the surface, stop moving it forward, and just put down your foot.
5. Breathing quietly: Just kind of let the air "flow" in and out, only slightly helping with your mouth and nose. This way, there won't be any of those loud whooshes you hear when normal breathing is present. If you feel a lack of air, just increase your rate of breathing because it doesn't affect the sounds you make.
6. How to stop a sneeze: The moment you feel it coming and you know its inevitable, grit your teeth(with your mouth closed), and close your eyes. Try to focus on stopping any movement on your face. Eventually the urge to sneeze will go away. If you were not able to stop it, close your mouth tightly, and grip your nose, preventing airflow. This way, the noise released will be minimal, and you have zero risk of shooting out mucus/saliva.
Hiding:
1. Learn about light. Heard of silhouettes? If you're standing between the light source and the guy, all he sees is your outline. You can use that to your advantage. In a forest, you can pretend to be a log, or a rock. just pull a cloth over yourself. You could even pretend to be a small tree. Break off a few branches and just hold it. In homes, you can pretend to be a lamp. You know those tall standing lamps? turn your body to the side so you look thinner and put the lampshade on your head. Doesn't work if you have a noticeable belly.
2. Bushes are an obvious option. Once I was hiding behind some bushes, and I thought my quarry had seen me, but he didn't. The trick was that, even though I could see him he couldn't see me. Why? Think about it. Through a small hole in the bushes, all the light rays in the surroundings are focused through that hole, so I can see out. But its hard for him to notice me because even though he can probably see the bush and the hole, the light rays from the surroundings are all going towards him. Meaning the hole is so small and natural that its insignificant. Therefore, he doesn't notice you.
3. Trees. Find a tall tree and climb it. Two brothers once kind of perfected the art of hiding. One of their theories was this: People don't look up. And they were right. People seldom look up. This is due to a human's natural ability to remain comfortable, so they look at eye level. In this case, why not stay down, you might ask. On a flat piece of land, a person can see what is on the ground in front of him from a distance away. Even a distance away, a person will not look up at the top of a 5 meter tall tree.
4. Shadows. Shadows are extremely useful. In a place where there are no real shadows, just find the darkest one and try to fit into its shape. If the shadow falls against a wall, press against it. Turn your palms in to press against the wall, and keep the side of your head pressed against the wall. Refrain from moving.
5.How humans see: Its important to learn how humans see things. A master once said this, "A human sees in 3 ways. Movement, silhouette and colour." Peripheral vision is the bane of unnoticed movement. If someone sees a movement, more than likely he will direct his attention towards it.
There's actually a lot more, but I'm lazy. If you're interested in learning more, talk to me, or drop me a line. You should know me if you're reading this. if you don't...well...send me an email at dasilvamonkay@luciferian.org
Readers should be happy to note that I have largely conquered my fear of heights. And now for the HowTo guides. (yes i'm back in the business)
HowTo turn the whole ELDDS against you:
1.You really thought I would write about something like this wouldn't you?
2.I mean, seriously, why would I write about something like this?
HowTo rock:
1.Get your instrument ready
2. Play it.
Researchers suggest the alternative for those without an instrument.
1.Copy your songs into 1 disc.
2.Put it into your dvd player, mp4 player, ipod.. whatever.
3.Jack up the volume
4.Bang head.
Warning: The above mentioned action of banging head might attract public attention and cause harm to others. The author strongly urges you to refrain from such actions in public places, especially crowded ones. Except toilets. Bang your head all you want while peeing you twisted thing..
HowTo make your teachers love you:
Researches have found the following method most effective, as it accomplishes the goal in a considerable short amount of time while keeping you at a considerably safe zone.
1.Screw up your homework.
HowTo make teachers hate you:
1.Know more than them in their subject. For example, talk to your physics teacher about quantum physics, eventually linking it to the big bang theory.
How to move quietly:
1. Wear socks. I figured this out one morning when i went to get something from my room before leaving for school. I found out that feet produce a lot more friction with surfaces than socks, though some people might choose to believe otherwise. Anyway, more friction means your feet will stick slightly, and when you lift your feet, they will make a sound like someone licking his lips. In a place where it is completely silent, its VERY loud. So wear socks.
2. Whenever possible, move on polished surfaces. Wood is definitely more preferred than tiles. Sure some tiles are polished too, but wood just feels smoother for some reason. If you really have no choice, you can wet your feet or wet the floor. Soap works good for this, but water is a better choice if balance is priority.
3. Walk. Its surprising that some people don't realize running makes a lot more sound than walking. Tiptoe if you have to. Especially in forested areas. Tiptoeing allows you to step between leaves. Dead leaves are painfully loud.
4. When you're not tiptoeing, walk by putting your feet down slowly, heel first, then slowly arching your foot down to make full contact with the ground. Lift your feet clear off the ground when walking. Also, when you put your foot down, don't drag your heel along as you put it down. The moment your heel touches the surface, stop moving it forward, and just put down your foot.
5. Breathing quietly: Just kind of let the air "flow" in and out, only slightly helping with your mouth and nose. This way, there won't be any of those loud whooshes you hear when normal breathing is present. If you feel a lack of air, just increase your rate of breathing because it doesn't affect the sounds you make.
6. How to stop a sneeze: The moment you feel it coming and you know its inevitable, grit your teeth(with your mouth closed), and close your eyes. Try to focus on stopping any movement on your face. Eventually the urge to sneeze will go away. If you were not able to stop it, close your mouth tightly, and grip your nose, preventing airflow. This way, the noise released will be minimal, and you have zero risk of shooting out mucus/saliva.
Hiding:
1. Learn about light. Heard of silhouettes? If you're standing between the light source and the guy, all he sees is your outline. You can use that to your advantage. In a forest, you can pretend to be a log, or a rock. just pull a cloth over yourself. You could even pretend to be a small tree. Break off a few branches and just hold it. In homes, you can pretend to be a lamp. You know those tall standing lamps? turn your body to the side so you look thinner and put the lampshade on your head. Doesn't work if you have a noticeable belly.
2. Bushes are an obvious option. Once I was hiding behind some bushes, and I thought my quarry had seen me, but he didn't. The trick was that, even though I could see him he couldn't see me. Why? Think about it. Through a small hole in the bushes, all the light rays in the surroundings are focused through that hole, so I can see out. But its hard for him to notice me because even though he can probably see the bush and the hole, the light rays from the surroundings are all going towards him. Meaning the hole is so small and natural that its insignificant. Therefore, he doesn't notice you.
3. Trees. Find a tall tree and climb it. Two brothers once kind of perfected the art of hiding. One of their theories was this: People don't look up. And they were right. People seldom look up. This is due to a human's natural ability to remain comfortable, so they look at eye level. In this case, why not stay down, you might ask. On a flat piece of land, a person can see what is on the ground in front of him from a distance away. Even a distance away, a person will not look up at the top of a 5 meter tall tree.
4. Shadows. Shadows are extremely useful. In a place where there are no real shadows, just find the darkest one and try to fit into its shape. If the shadow falls against a wall, press against it. Turn your palms in to press against the wall, and keep the side of your head pressed against the wall. Refrain from moving.
5.How humans see: Its important to learn how humans see things. A master once said this, "A human sees in 3 ways. Movement, silhouette and colour." Peripheral vision is the bane of unnoticed movement. If someone sees a movement, more than likely he will direct his attention towards it.
There's actually a lot more, but I'm lazy. If you're interested in learning more, talk to me, or drop me a line. You should know me if you're reading this. if you don't...well...send me an email at dasilvamonkay@luciferian.org
Readers should be happy to note that I have largely conquered my fear of heights. And now for the HowTo guides. (yes i'm back in the business)
HowTo turn the whole ELDDS against you:
1.You really thought I would write about something like this wouldn't you?
2.I mean, seriously, why would I write about something like this?
HowTo rock:
1.Get your instrument ready
2. Play it.
Researchers suggest the alternative for those without an instrument.
1.Copy your songs into 1 disc.
2.Put it into your dvd player, mp4 player, ipod.. whatever.
3.Jack up the volume
4.Bang head.
Warning: The above mentioned action of banging head might attract public attention and cause harm to others. The author strongly urges you to refrain from such actions in public places, especially crowded ones. Except toilets. Bang your head all you want while peeing you twisted thing..
HowTo make your teachers love you:
Researches have found the following method most effective, as it accomplishes the goal in a considerable short amount of time while keeping you at a considerably safe zone.
1.Screw up your homework.
HowTo make teachers hate you:
1.Know more than them in their subject. For example, talk to your physics teacher about quantum physics, eventually linking it to the big bang theory.
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